See the original post: Parents Salon: “Disciplining Pupils” is a Misnomer
Recently, Mr Yuan and Mr Cheng, two experienced educators who are also parents at Wycombe Abbey Schools, visited WASHZ to discuss with other parents proper ways to guide pupils.
As members of the Wycombe Abbey School Group, Mr Yuan and Mr Cheng looked to share their educational experiences with more parents.
Through the WASHZ parents salon, they aim to strengthen the connection between home and school, allowing family and school education to complement each other, thereby extending the concept of holistic education to households.
Mr Yuan, deeply involved in the education field for many years, argued that attempting to control pupils’ behaviour is inadvisable, as each pupil is an independent person with their own personality.
Mr Cheng, with his extensive study of child psychology, pointed out that it is normal for pupils to become rebellious and disobedient during adolescence because they are eager to break free from controls and constraints. This is a manifestation of self-awareness and an essential step towards becoming an independent person.
The traditional Chinese belief that “strict discipline produces filial children” is outdated. With the social environment having undergone significant changes, Mr Yuan highlighted that this approach essentially uses fear to control pupils’ behaviour, which may be effective in the short term but is counterproductive in the long run.
Returning from the workplace to the family, parents should let go of the authority used to manage companies and employees, becoming friends with their pupils, listening to them as equals, and guiding them with care.
The boarding team patiently responds to pupils’ needs, helps them solve problems, and encourages them like friends. The positive interaction, where they are both teachers and friends, creates a safe and supportive environment for pupils to grow.
At the parents salon, Mr Yuan analysed the scientific principles behind “pupils being difficult to discipline.”
During childhood to adolescence, the part of the brain responsible for emotions, the amygdala, develops rapidly, while the prefrontal cortex, responsible for reason and logic, is not yet fully developed, making it difficult for pupils to control their fluctuating emotions.
However, Mr Cheng believes that these problems might not require exact solutions. Pupils with limited life experience and an immature mindset can have their views easily impacted by small matters.
Time will lead them through experiences, and in these experiences, they will grow, but only if they know they always have supportive parents behind them.
The question is, how do we build trust?
Leading by example is the approach both experts agreed on—the way you want to nurture your pupil is how you should conduct yourself.
Many parents feel helpless about their pupils’ excessive use of electronic devices. Mr Cheng noted that pupils’s energy needs an outlet, and if you want to reduce their screen time, attention-diverting methods are necessary. Knowing preaching was ineffective, Mr Cheng found success by leading his pupils in trying various activities; he would take them horse riding outdoors or teach them cooking in the kitchen.
Pupils select activities based on their own interests, and through this process, they discover that there are things more enjoyable than games and sights more captivating than videos. They are also more likely to find their own talents and passions.
Try to be a friend with pupils, not an authority, and we will be pleasantly surprised to find that pupils actually do not need “disciplining”.
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